I struggle with anxiety every day and your journey has helped your Mom more than you know. I got my own medicine….following your lead. I love you more than anything and am so proud of you for shining your LIGHT. God blessed me so much with you as my son….and most importantly my friend. I love you always and forever.
William, the question posed is one that I not only immediately noticed and remembered that you mentioned in an earlier post but a question I think about almost daily. As someone who relates to this series in such a deep way it is a question that I’m so thankful I have the outlet to answer. Feeling as though I don’t deserve to be depressed feels like my life. I have a beautiful life with people I know love me. I know that I have wonderful opportunities and I know that I’m incredibly lucky, which is exactly why I feel like telling someone how I really feel, will not only seem selfish but will also feel extreme defeat. I feel like I have a wonderful life and compared to many people- who am I to feel so sad and want to die? Who am I to get too caught up thinking about my own life and sadness that I need to ask for help navigating my own mind? Who am I compared to someone who has lost everything to be so discontent with life? There are people who have lost everything and I don’t deserve to need help for being so depressed. This feeling is part of what fills my mind daily. Will people judge when they see how depressed and sad I am even though I have no reason to be? I feel like I have no reason to be depressed. None. No there has been no major life issues in my life so it feels like I have no reason to be as sad as I am. I yearn to just feel normal. To be genuinely happy and have joyful thoughts filling my brain rather than dark ones contemplating what it would be like if I just wasn’t here. William thank you for this. Thank you. thank you. thank you. For giving me and so many others an outlet to say how we feel and see others do the same. To say you are a light in this world would be a tremendous understatement. You are so special and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing to live. ❤️
- D
& happy Mother’s Day to your wonderful mother! I hope she feels love and peace from all over knowing she raised the kindest heart and she too changed so many lives.
📉📉📉 This attempt at a chart is like one I developed to use with Doctors when I sold mental health pharmaceuticals ( psychotropics). Consider the white line ( between the grey boxes) the perfect life - no depression, no anxiety. The short part of the red and blue lines represents normal and we all go up and down a varied amount. The long line in each color represents a greater deal of anxiety and depression. This is usually, actually almost always, caused by chemical imbalance, either too much or too little of certain substances our body needs for our mood swings to be in the normal range. It is a chemical malfeasance of the body - like diabetes or arthritis. I think most of us can relate to having felt we shouldn’t be anxious or depressed even in our normal mood swings but many of us have bodies that function well enough to keep us or bring us back to “normal”. Our bodies are not chemically deficient enough for the moods to continue to move deeper. For those whose bodies are chemically deficient the medications fill the chemical need. One day soon everyone will understand these facts and that severe anxiety and depression needs to be treated by medical professionals.
William, you are doing so much to help people see the seriousness of this and to educate people about the need to get help. There should be no more stigma to getting this help than to getting help for a broken arm or going to a dentist for a cavity. Keep up the great work!
Mimi said “Be sure to tell William how much I love him!” I love you too! G’dad
Thank You for writing. My son spent time in Davidson and Outpatient at Hopeway. (he is now in college and doing pretty good) My daughter spent 2 summers in wilderness battling. It has been some very tough years. Your explanation of Davidson has made me feel closer to him, being able to see and feel what he went thru, through your words. I have struggled most of my adult life as well. You have an amazing gift. Thank you.
So we have a 16 yo son in residential treatment and not by choice so our story is different. We watched him struggle and spiral until I couldn’t stand by and watch anymore. He’s been gone for 56 days and I count the hours, minutes, seconds until he comes home. I pray we are doing the right thing and there are days when he seems to be accepting of his treatment and days where he is not. I pray we will get to a place where he accepts help and sees we are not doing this TO him we are doing this FOR him. Maybe someday he will see how much we love him and understand the why.
Thank You for your installments. I look forward to reading every Sunday. I am trying to understand what my granddaughter is going through. She had to drop out of college this semester and is in a facility in FL. The best to you and your family. You are a lucky young man to have them and see that you got the help you needed. God be with you as you continue with your journey.
William your writings about your experience with depression, your vulnerability describing the pain and suffering you have endured is so relatable to those suffering and have suffered. Truly your gift of words and honesty is such a gift to so many! As a mother who has had suffered major depressive disorder for 6 full years (I have been free from depression for a full year this month!) and has lived in 5 different hospitals trying to get back to a sense of wellness - Hopeway being the first I can say I finally feel Joy everyday - a feeling I never thought possible when I had depression. I can finally help others suffering which is now I believe my true purpose in life. During my time of depression that began as your 'everyday anxiety' and spiraled into the depths of hell on earth! Yes- the shame and guilty I carried from having depression when I have a life that I have always dreamed of - a simple dream of a wonderful loving husband, a fantastic son and daughter and the cutest dog one has ever seen, living in a beautiful home in a stunning neighborhood surrounded by the best friends and family a woman could ever ask for!!! oh and an amazing business with clients I adore!!! It is so very humbling to be well after such a long road of excruciating pain no one should ever have to experience. Today being Mother's Day I want to share that you are a gift and a blessing from God your mother treasures and holds in her heart!!!! Thank you for your voice in the name of the disease of depression!!!
“Oh, to enjoy life again. Feels pretty good.” To read these words from you has made my day. I am so happy for you! You have fought a good fight and won! Love to you. 💙💙💙
This question- the one that prolongs the stigma of mental health struggles- is extremely relatable. For me, a so called “regular” teen, it’s what deepens the isolation and pain. To what self pity, or self centered nature, am I to feel hopeless while living a “privileged” and “perfect” life? Stories should be shared, but not compared, so that we all feel warranted in our own struggles, but not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your story- it’s helping far more people than you can imagine.
YES!! There have been countless times where I have felt guilty for struggling with my mental health. I have an amazing life so why should I be feeling like this? I hated that I felt that way but as much as I tried to ignore it or pretend it wasn’t real, it came back every time 10x stronger. I definitely have said to myself that I want to feel normal again but from your posts I have learned that everyone is normal and it’s ok if your own sense of normal changes over time. You have truly given me so much hope and shown everyone that they are not alone! I LOVE YOU!! 💝💝💝
As I sit here on Mother's Day, my heart goes out to your mom, William, and what a gift you have given her by getting out of your own way and asking for help. And how thankful I am that we were able to get help to someone I love very much who, though several years younger than you, may have been having many of the same thoughts. This young person is now taking a couple different medications to help with anxiety and depression. I was wary of meds before, wondering if this would trap this young person in a life-long reliance on these, but seeing the difference in their outlook and seeing them laugh and genuinely feel better has helped me understand that some people's brain chemistry is just different and these meds help bring balance. I tell people who ask about how taking these medications has helped so much, hoping that being open and positive about them that others will see it as an issue of health, and maybe someone else will feel ok asking for help or taking meds. Thanks for your thoughts and for these questions.
I ask myself this question nearly everyday. Just before a phone call with an admissions representative to enter a mental health program, I asked myself "Why me". Why do I have to be the one to go through this. I can't do this. Not anymore. I've tried. Why can't it be other people. Other people who are stronger, not me. I don't know what to tell myself anymore. I started reading your submissions last year when I was in a very dark place. I have found myself in that same dark place- but this time worse than before. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I am not living for me. I am living for my loved ones. I have never related to anything more in life than the words that you are speaking. I can not thank you enough for sharing your story. I have felt a tremendous amount of comfort just knowing that another person is experiencing what I'm going through. Your passages have helped me to realize things I never would've realized. Most importantly, your passages have been a safe space for me to go to when times get beyond rough. I find comfort in your words, in your thoughts. You have an amazing gift and are able to explain your story so insanely well. I am beyond impressed and once again can not thank you enough. While you don't even know me, you are such an important part of my life. I think about your story everyday and it gives me both strength and hope to keep going.
I struggle with anxiety every day and your journey has helped your Mom more than you know. I got my own medicine….following your lead. I love you more than anything and am so proud of you for shining your LIGHT. God blessed me so much with you as my son….and most importantly my friend. I love you always and forever.
William, the question posed is one that I not only immediately noticed and remembered that you mentioned in an earlier post but a question I think about almost daily. As someone who relates to this series in such a deep way it is a question that I’m so thankful I have the outlet to answer. Feeling as though I don’t deserve to be depressed feels like my life. I have a beautiful life with people I know love me. I know that I have wonderful opportunities and I know that I’m incredibly lucky, which is exactly why I feel like telling someone how I really feel, will not only seem selfish but will also feel extreme defeat. I feel like I have a wonderful life and compared to many people- who am I to feel so sad and want to die? Who am I to get too caught up thinking about my own life and sadness that I need to ask for help navigating my own mind? Who am I compared to someone who has lost everything to be so discontent with life? There are people who have lost everything and I don’t deserve to need help for being so depressed. This feeling is part of what fills my mind daily. Will people judge when they see how depressed and sad I am even though I have no reason to be? I feel like I have no reason to be depressed. None. No there has been no major life issues in my life so it feels like I have no reason to be as sad as I am. I yearn to just feel normal. To be genuinely happy and have joyful thoughts filling my brain rather than dark ones contemplating what it would be like if I just wasn’t here. William thank you for this. Thank you. thank you. thank you. For giving me and so many others an outlet to say how we feel and see others do the same. To say you are a light in this world would be a tremendous understatement. You are so special and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for choosing to live. ❤️
- D
& happy Mother’s Day to your wonderful mother! I hope she feels love and peace from all over knowing she raised the kindest heart and she too changed so many lives.
📈📈 📈
📉📉📉 This attempt at a chart is like one I developed to use with Doctors when I sold mental health pharmaceuticals ( psychotropics). Consider the white line ( between the grey boxes) the perfect life - no depression, no anxiety. The short part of the red and blue lines represents normal and we all go up and down a varied amount. The long line in each color represents a greater deal of anxiety and depression. This is usually, actually almost always, caused by chemical imbalance, either too much or too little of certain substances our body needs for our mood swings to be in the normal range. It is a chemical malfeasance of the body - like diabetes or arthritis. I think most of us can relate to having felt we shouldn’t be anxious or depressed even in our normal mood swings but many of us have bodies that function well enough to keep us or bring us back to “normal”. Our bodies are not chemically deficient enough for the moods to continue to move deeper. For those whose bodies are chemically deficient the medications fill the chemical need. One day soon everyone will understand these facts and that severe anxiety and depression needs to be treated by medical professionals.
William, you are doing so much to help people see the seriousness of this and to educate people about the need to get help. There should be no more stigma to getting this help than to getting help for a broken arm or going to a dentist for a cavity. Keep up the great work!
Mimi said “Be sure to tell William how much I love him!” I love you too! G’dad
William, you
Thank You for writing. My son spent time in Davidson and Outpatient at Hopeway. (he is now in college and doing pretty good) My daughter spent 2 summers in wilderness battling. It has been some very tough years. Your explanation of Davidson has made me feel closer to him, being able to see and feel what he went thru, through your words. I have struggled most of my adult life as well. You have an amazing gift. Thank you.
So we have a 16 yo son in residential treatment and not by choice so our story is different. We watched him struggle and spiral until I couldn’t stand by and watch anymore. He’s been gone for 56 days and I count the hours, minutes, seconds until he comes home. I pray we are doing the right thing and there are days when he seems to be accepting of his treatment and days where he is not. I pray we will get to a place where he accepts help and sees we are not doing this TO him we are doing this FOR him. Maybe someday he will see how much we love him and understand the why.
Have you ever felt like you did not deserve to be depressed or anxious? Have you ever just wanted to feel normal?
Thank You for your installments. I look forward to reading every Sunday. I am trying to understand what my granddaughter is going through. She had to drop out of college this semester and is in a facility in FL. The best to you and your family. You are a lucky young man to have them and see that you got the help you needed. God be with you as you continue with your journey.
William your writings about your experience with depression, your vulnerability describing the pain and suffering you have endured is so relatable to those suffering and have suffered. Truly your gift of words and honesty is such a gift to so many! As a mother who has had suffered major depressive disorder for 6 full years (I have been free from depression for a full year this month!) and has lived in 5 different hospitals trying to get back to a sense of wellness - Hopeway being the first I can say I finally feel Joy everyday - a feeling I never thought possible when I had depression. I can finally help others suffering which is now I believe my true purpose in life. During my time of depression that began as your 'everyday anxiety' and spiraled into the depths of hell on earth! Yes- the shame and guilty I carried from having depression when I have a life that I have always dreamed of - a simple dream of a wonderful loving husband, a fantastic son and daughter and the cutest dog one has ever seen, living in a beautiful home in a stunning neighborhood surrounded by the best friends and family a woman could ever ask for!!! oh and an amazing business with clients I adore!!! It is so very humbling to be well after such a long road of excruciating pain no one should ever have to experience. Today being Mother's Day I want to share that you are a gift and a blessing from God your mother treasures and holds in her heart!!!! Thank you for your voice in the name of the disease of depression!!!
“Oh, to enjoy life again. Feels pretty good.” To read these words from you has made my day. I am so happy for you! You have fought a good fight and won! Love to you. 💙💙💙
This question- the one that prolongs the stigma of mental health struggles- is extremely relatable. For me, a so called “regular” teen, it’s what deepens the isolation and pain. To what self pity, or self centered nature, am I to feel hopeless while living a “privileged” and “perfect” life? Stories should be shared, but not compared, so that we all feel warranted in our own struggles, but not alone. Thank you so much for sharing your story- it’s helping far more people than you can imagine.
YES!! There have been countless times where I have felt guilty for struggling with my mental health. I have an amazing life so why should I be feeling like this? I hated that I felt that way but as much as I tried to ignore it or pretend it wasn’t real, it came back every time 10x stronger. I definitely have said to myself that I want to feel normal again but from your posts I have learned that everyone is normal and it’s ok if your own sense of normal changes over time. You have truly given me so much hope and shown everyone that they are not alone! I LOVE YOU!! 💝💝💝
As I sit here on Mother's Day, my heart goes out to your mom, William, and what a gift you have given her by getting out of your own way and asking for help. And how thankful I am that we were able to get help to someone I love very much who, though several years younger than you, may have been having many of the same thoughts. This young person is now taking a couple different medications to help with anxiety and depression. I was wary of meds before, wondering if this would trap this young person in a life-long reliance on these, but seeing the difference in their outlook and seeing them laugh and genuinely feel better has helped me understand that some people's brain chemistry is just different and these meds help bring balance. I tell people who ask about how taking these medications has helped so much, hoping that being open and positive about them that others will see it as an issue of health, and maybe someone else will feel ok asking for help or taking meds. Thanks for your thoughts and for these questions.
you are loved, you are loving, you are love
Great post, William. I’ve always just wanted to feel normal.
I ask myself this question nearly everyday. Just before a phone call with an admissions representative to enter a mental health program, I asked myself "Why me". Why do I have to be the one to go through this. I can't do this. Not anymore. I've tried. Why can't it be other people. Other people who are stronger, not me. I don't know what to tell myself anymore. I started reading your submissions last year when I was in a very dark place. I have found myself in that same dark place- but this time worse than before. I don't even recognize myself anymore. I am not living for me. I am living for my loved ones. I have never related to anything more in life than the words that you are speaking. I can not thank you enough for sharing your story. I have felt a tremendous amount of comfort just knowing that another person is experiencing what I'm going through. Your passages have helped me to realize things I never would've realized. Most importantly, your passages have been a safe space for me to go to when times get beyond rough. I find comfort in your words, in your thoughts. You have an amazing gift and are able to explain your story so insanely well. I am beyond impressed and once again can not thank you enough. While you don't even know me, you are such an important part of my life. I think about your story everyday and it gives me both strength and hope to keep going.